恋人关系最好的测量工具是放屁
Relationships are best measured by farting.
恋人关系的阶段可以用放屁来鉴定
The stages of a relationship can be defined by farting.
第一阶段是“暴风前的宁静”
Stage 1 is the conspiracy of silence.
这是一个幻想时期
This is a fantasy period where both parties pretend
双方都假装他们没有放
that they have no bodily waste.
这种幻想很快就被“噢 你放屁了吗？”击碎了
This illusion is very quickly shattered by that first shy
接下来就轮到了 “害羞的说出真相”
'ooh did you fart? ' followed by the sheepish admission of truth.
这说明了你们的关系更深了
This heralds a period of deeper intimacy.
我把这个阶段称为“屁的蜜月期”
A period I like to call the 'fart honeymoon'.
双方都开始认为对方所放出的屁是世界上最香的
Where both parties find each other's gas just the cutest thing in the world.
当然了 天下没有不散的蜜月期
But of course no honeymoon can last forever.
这个屁走到了它的分歧点
And so we reach the critical fork in the fart.
它要么不再使对方感到愉悦或尴尬
Either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarrass,
据此来判断你们之间到底有没有真爱存在
thereby signifying true love or else,
要么开始让人感到烦人和恶心
it begins to annoy and disgust.
这说明了你的爱已经在前一段爱情中封闭和腐烂掉了
Thereby symbolizing all that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved.
