Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

今天，我结婚9年的老公告诉我说他是搞基的。他甚至还暗示我说，他和我在一起的时候能硬起来，是因为我长得比较爷们。FML

fmylife.com

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we weere joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

今天，我第一次和这个男生出去约会。我们去了星巴克，聊着天，很愉快。突然，他把他的手放到我肚子上说：“不久之后，这里就会被我的种子灌满”。FML

这贴真不错，顺带学英语啊

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

今天，我被我老爸突然造访我宿舍的敲门声所吵醒。我把门打开对着在门外的他打招呼，这时候我的室友脱光了衣服拉开了门，亲了我的脸颊，用一种超级搞基的声音说“昨晚你真棒”以后跑了。FML

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

今天，我被我老爸突然造访我宿舍的敲门声所吵醒。我把门打开对着在门外的他打招呼，这时候我的室友脱光了衣服拉开了门，亲了我的脸颊，用一种超级搞基的声音说“昨晚你真棒”以后跑了。FML

fml。啥意思

Today, my father asked me if he could borrow my electric razor because he wanted to "surprise mom later". Anxious to see him without his life-long beard, I willingly agreed. About half an hour later he exited the bathroom. Beard fully intact. FML

今天，我老爹问我借电动剃须刀因为他想要“给我妈一个惊喜”。我非常想看他把他留了几乎一辈子的大胡子剃掉，于是我很高兴地答应了他。半个小时以后，他从洗手间出来了。胡子还是好好的。FML

FXXK MY LIFE？

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML
今天，我男友和我决定在他的家里OOXX。我们到了以后，他先去看信箱里面有没有信，然后就发现他订购的Wii的游戏到货了。他把我送回了家因为他更想玩游戏。FML

Today, I found out that I am 14 weeks pregnant. The father of the baby is now engaged to my best friend, whom he was cheating on me with when I became pregnant. I'm going to be the maid of honor, 8 months pregnant with his child, at their wedding. FML

今天，我发现我已经怀孕三个多月了。孩子他爸现在已经和我最好的朋友订婚，在我怀孕的时候他一直和她有一腿。我将会是他们婚礼上怀着新郎的孩子8个月的伴娘。FML

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

今天，我自己一人来到了我和我男友第一次约会的地方：一个孤僻的山上。我注意到有另一对情侣藏在灌木丛中亲热。于是我打电话给我男友，想要告诉他说有人找到了属于我们的秘密幽会地点。然后我就听到了我男友手机的Bob Marley的彩铃声从那堆灌木里飘来。FML

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

今天，我裸身躺在床上，被蒙上了眼罩。我告诉我的男友他把我怎样都行。30分钟以后，我下了床发现他在电脑室打魔兽。他队友需要他。FML


妈逼，这事我就做过。。。

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I undressed and then proceeded to throw up all over the rug. FML

今天，我的猫和我一起在浴室里。我脱了衣服准备冲个澡。猫在我脱光了衣服以后看了看我，然后就在小毯上吐得到处都是。FML

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

今天我在和一个刚认识的女孩OOXX，大约5分钟之后，她说她想上厕所，所以我们被迫停止。大概等了10分钟，我决定进去看看她怎么样了。进去一看，窗户是开着的，她逃走了。卧槽= =

笑死我了，继续贴

233 太神奇系列

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

今天，我老板叫我去他的办公室，要给我看一个可能成为我们的商业伙伴的公司的网站。当他在谷歌里面打“Virginia”这个词的时候，网站把他的搜索自动补完成了他最近才搜索过的词条——“小处男的菊花”。我明天就要和他一起出差。我是个年轻男人。FML

FML是啥。。。。

233 真任青啊

FXXX MY LIFE

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

今天，我正准备出门去朋友家，我父母突然问我是不是搞基的。我回答不是，澄清说我是双性恋。我妈又问我曾经是否和一个同性别的人亲热过，我回答是。然后她就跟我爸说：“看，我跟你说过了吧。你欠我20块。”我父母拿我的性取向打赌。FML


笑喷了。。。

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokemon game. FML

今天，我发短信给我的男友，问他到底想不想今天来亲热。他的回复是“不行，白金今天出。”我一开始没听懂，于是我去搜索了一下“白金，2009年3月22号”。结果我发现他是在说最新的口袋妖怪游戏。FML

很有意思的，有些事情仿佛相识

＝ ＝ 这个很草蛋。

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokemon game. FML

今天，我发短信给我的男友，问他到底想不想今天来亲热。他的回复是“不行，白金今天出。”我一开始没听懂，于是我去搜索了一下“白金，2009年3月22号”。结果我发现他是在说最新的口袋妖怪游戏。FML

笑死俺了

[posted by wap]

哈哈，继续贴！
口袋妖怪那个太逗了

Today, my little brother, who is 11, taught me how to make babies. I’m 15. FML
#123 (49)I agree, your life sucks (19754) - you totally deserved it (5075)
On 10/28/2008 at 11:57am - kids - by HappyGirl - France (Centre)

不用翻了

真欢乐。。。。

很多任黑啊

FML fuck my life~

收藏......

Today, I came home to find my mum on the phone to the doctor. When she hung up I asked what had happened. She said they found a sexually transmitted disease in my bloodtest, and then she began to call me a slut. I'm 14, and am still a virgin. After 5 mins of crying, she tells me she was joking. FML

今天，我回到家，我妈在给医生挂电话。我问她怎么了。她说医生在我的血检里面发现了一种性病，然后她说我是个婊子。我14岁而且还是处。大哭了5分钟以后，她告诉我说她只是在开玩笑。FML

不错 哈哈

笑喷了哈哈

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

今天，我打算给我上大学的男友一个惊喜。我走进了他的宿舍，发现他和另一个女的躺在床上。他看见了我，说了句：“愚人节快乐！”那天是3月19号。FML

[posted by wap]

2333333333333 笑死我了

mark!太好玩了

[posted by wap]

sitcom桥段灵感贴，编剧必读

有意思~

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

今天，我感觉有点病了，呼吸很不舒畅。我决定打个盹，嘴巴大张着因为呼吸很困难。我醒来的时候，发现我男友试图把他的那个放到我嘴里。FML