Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my ｂｏｄｙ and my bike is in two pieces. FML

今天，我骑车上班。在路上的时候，我做了个“左转”的手势——这时一辆经过的相反路上的车直转向我，试图和我来个击掌。 我现在身上全是伤，我的自行车碎成了俩。FML

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

今天，我目击了一起可怕的交通事故，而且我被当地新闻采访了。在采访的途中我说：“太可怕了。就好像在看一场无声电影一样……但是又有声！！”这新闻被重播了TM6次。FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

今天，我的男朋友和我在“瞎玩”。事情越来越有感觉，于是他第一次亮出了他的JJ。这是我第一次看到一个真正的JJ所以我打算赞美它一下。我完全不知道该说什么，于是我来了句：“好漂亮。”FML

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

今天，我目击了一起可怕的交通事故，而且我被当地新闻采访了。在采访的途中我说：“太可怕了。就好像在看一场无声电影一样……但是又有声！！”这新闻被重播了TM6次。FML

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I was on top of her, she asked me if it was in yet. I said yes. She sighed. FML

今天，我的女友和我第一次了。当我在上面的时候，她问我我进没进去。我说进去了。她叹了口气。FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

今天，我的男朋友和我在“瞎玩”。事情越来越有感觉，于是他第一次亮出了他的JJ。这是我第一次看到一个真正的JJ所以我打算赞美它一下。我完全不知道该说什么，于是我来了句：“好漂亮。”FML

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

今天，我告诉我那肥的吓人的老师说他的下巴上沾了芥菜酱。他试着抹掉，我想也没想就说：“不是，是你的另一个下巴。”FML

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I was on top of her, she asked me if it was in yet. I said yes. She sighed. FML

今天，我的女友和我第一次了。当我在上面的时候，她问我我进没进去。我说进去了。她叹了口气。FML

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

今天，我告诉我那肥的吓人的老师说他的下巴上沾了芥菜酱。他试着抹掉，我想也没想就说：“不是，是你的另一个下巴。”FML

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us's eyes met mine. I mouthed, "Sorry." and he mouthed, slowly, "You f***in' better be.". FML

今天，在机场的时候，我的老娘开始大侃伊拉克战争是如何地没用，还有那些报名参军去那里的士兵是多么地NB。一个站在我们附近的自动售货机旁的士兵和我的目光对视了。我摆口形默示他说：“抱歉。”他一字一句地摆口形回答我：“你们MLGB的最好感到抱歉”FML

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first random girl he saw. FML

今天，我和我的男友在学校食堂的时候他把我甩了。我早有所预感。我所没有预感到的是他会在大家面前跑来跑去，一边声嘶力竭地大喊着：“解放放放放放了——！！！”而且还亲了他第一个看到的女生。FML

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us's eyes met mine. I mouthed, "Sorry." and he mouthed, slowly, "You f***in' better be.". FML

今天，在机场的时候，我的老娘开始大侃伊拉克战争是如何地没用，还有那些报名参军去那里的士兵是多么地NB。一个站在我们附近的自动售货机旁的士兵和我的目光对视了。我摆口形默示他说：“抱歉。”他一字一句地摆口形回答我：“你们MLGB的最好感到抱歉”FML

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first random girl he saw. FML

今天，我和我的男友在学校食堂的时候他把我甩了。我早有所预感。我所没有预感到的是他会在大家面前跑来跑去，一边声嘶力竭地大喊着：“解放放放放放了——！！！”而且还亲了他第一个看到的女生。FML

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself "what the hell is solid water??". Then I heard my little cousin say "ice". I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

今天，在我浏览化学笔记的时候我发现了一个词“硬水”。完完全全被难住的我自言自语：“硬水TMD是毛啊？”然后我就听见我的小表弟说了句：“冰”。我现在在大学理科读大四。他仍然（幼稚到）天天检查衣柜里面有没有怪物。FML

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

今天，我在一家特别拥挤的体育馆里面，突然我身后的一个人在我的耳边大嚎了一声，差点把老子吓得拉裤子里面。我在众人面前跳了起来并摆出了个空手道的姿势。我身后没有人。实际上是我耳机里面传出的一首新歌而已。一个教练问我需不需要救护车。FML

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

今天，我在一家特别拥挤的体育馆里面，突然我身后的一个人在我的耳边大嚎了一声，差点把老子吓得拉裤子里面。我在众人面前跳了起来并摆出了个空手道的姿势。我身后没有人。实际上是我耳机里面传出的一首新歌而已。一个教练问我需不需要救护车。FML

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

今天，我在上课的时候睡着了。我的教授想耍耍我，用了个汽笛来把我叫醒——我吓得半死，结果一拳砸在我旁边女孩的脸上把她打晕了过去。FML

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

今天，我在购物中心里偷东西，突然一个和我差不多大的女生指着我包里的衬衫：“偷的吧，啊？”她微笑地问我。她看起来很酷，不怎么在意，所以我点了点头，问她穿的牛仔裤是不是也是偷的，因为那也在店里有卖。结果她没偷——因为她是经理。FML

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

今天，我在上课的时候睡着了。我的教授想耍耍我，用了个汽笛来把我叫醒——我吓得半死，结果一拳砸在我旁边女孩的脸上把她打晕了过去。FML

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

今天，我在购物中心里偷东西，突然一个和我差不多大的女生指着我包里的衬衫：“偷的吧，啊？”她微笑地问我。她看起来很酷，不怎么在意，所以我点了点头，问她穿的牛仔裤是不是也是偷的，因为那也在店里有卖。结果她没偷——因为她是经理。FML

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

今天，我在上课的时候睡着了。我的教授想耍耍我，用了个汽笛来把我叫醒——我吓得半死，结果一拳砸在我旁边女孩的脸上把她打晕了过去。FML

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

今天，我在购物中心里偷东西，突然一个和我差不多大的女生指着我包里的衬衫：“偷的吧，啊？”她微笑地问我。她看起来很酷，不怎么在意，所以我点了点头，问她穿的牛仔裤是不是也是偷的，因为那也在店里有卖。结果她没偷——因为她是经理。FML

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

今天，我们一家去饭店吃饭。我们是瑞典人，所以我们特别喜欢用瑞典语谈论其他人因为在这里没人能听得懂。我开始评论我们旁边桌子上的一个女孩是多么地难看。她转了过来来了句“Dra åt helvete.”就是瑞典语的“去死吧。”FML

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

今天，我们一家去饭店吃饭。我们是瑞典人，所以我们特别喜欢用瑞典语谈论其他人因为在这里没人能听得懂。我开始评论我们旁边桌子上的一个女孩是多么地难看。她转了过来来了句“Dra åt helvete.”就是瑞典语的“去死吧。”FML

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

今天，我感到很无聊，所以觉得如果我假装成便衣pol.ice然后让其他人在道边上停车一定很有趣。结果我停下的第一辆车（的司机）是个真的便衣pol.ice。FML

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

今天，我感到很无聊，所以觉得如果我假装成便衣pol.ice然后让其他人在道边上停车一定很有趣。结果我停下的第一辆车（的司机）是个真的便衣pol.ice。FML

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

今天，我在吃麦片，然后决定把它加热一下，看看味道会变成啥样。所以，我用了根房间里的蜡烛，把我的勺子置于火焰之上，等着看麦片是不是被加热了。我感到这个愚蠢的小实验很有趣，然后就把勺子放回了嘴里。我现在舌头肿得不能说话。FML

兰州你有没感觉到你并不孤单~*/-93

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

今天，我在吃麦片，然后决定把它加热一下，看看味道会变成啥样。所以，我用了根房间里的蜡烛，把我的勺子置于火焰之上，等着看麦片是不是被加热了。我感到这个愚蠢的小实验很有趣，然后就把勺子放回了嘴里。我现在舌头肿得不能说话。FML

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having sex with for 6 months. FML

今天，我和我的男朋友、以及我交往了6个月的秘密炮_友一起卡在电梯里卡了两个小时。FML

Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML

今天，我去参加了个派对，突然pol.ice来搅局。我从二楼的窗户跳了出去避免被抓。我摔得脑震荡而且腿摔断了三处。pol.ice不过给了大家警告，然后就让所有人散了。FML

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having sex with for 6 months. FML

今天，我和我的男朋友、以及我交往了6个月的秘密炮_友一起卡在电梯里卡了两个小时。FML

Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML

今天，我去参加了个派对，突然pol.ice来搅局。我从二楼的窗户跳了出去避免被抓。我摔得脑震荡而且腿摔断了三处。pol.ice不过给了大家警告，然后就让所有人散了。FML

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

今天，我打算向吃掉我的花园植物的兔子复仇。它回来的时候就站在我崭新的地上游泳池旁边。我拿起我的22.口径来复枪就是一枪——可是我打偏了，子弹打穿了我的游泳池。15000加仑的水把我的地下室淹了个透。FML

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

今天，我决定在数学考试上作弊，就在我的手心里写了些式子。我感觉非常得意，交卷了以后觉得我考得特好。于是我一边走向教室门一边向我的老师挥手告别——结果她全看见了。FML

我日啊 快了

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

今天，我打算向吃掉我的花园植物的兔子复仇。它回来的时候就站在我崭新的地上游泳池旁边。我拿起我的22.口径来复枪就是一枪——可是我打偏了，子弹打穿了我的游泳池。15000加仑的水把我的地下室淹了个透。FML

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

今天，我决定在数学考试上作弊，就在我的手心里写了些式子。我感觉非常得意，交卷了以后觉得我考得特好。于是我一边走向教室门一边向我的老师挥手告别——结果她全看见了。FML

发表于 2009-8-12 13:35 | 只看该作者
我日啊 快了

什么快了